Battle to Accept the Fullness of Who I Am

I always thought I am a confident person, and always thought I have been accepting me completely. As a whole. And by that I mean my positive and negative sides. But I guess I have only just learned that I only just starting to accept me completely. I realized my biggest struggle was to love my own feelings. The negative ones. My anxiety. Panick attacks. Insecurity. Those moments where its just too cloudy up in my head to realized how awesome I actually am. And yes, I have those moments regularly. And usually I hated it and rejected it.

There was one time I even rejected my alpha female side. Because I thought it was too masculine. So I stopped leading. I stopped “chasing” things. But Since it wasn’t me, I could only do it for a few months, until someone told me “What are you doing? Why are you dimming your lights and being a shadow? This is not you!” His words woke me up! It is OK to be that. I can have both feminine and masculine sides in me, I just need to know how to manage them, not KILL one of them.

As for my anxieties, my insecurities and fear, now I learn, quoting Matthew Hussey, “Remember, part of coping with insecurities is recognising that others have them too”.

I am not alone. Everybody that walks in this planet has their own battle. From then on, I learn to accept those flaws as my strength. How is it insecurities become strength? By sharing it! I will not hide it and deny it anymore. Having my own insecurities, triggers and battles makes me understand yours better. And because now I am open and sharing it, I hope it can inspire others to come forward and share, and know that you are not alone. That you are still awesome despite of your problems. That you are enough, no matter what hell you need to go through.

And for what its worth, sharing you this is a form of me accepting me wholly, no exception. And I hope you will do the same to you.

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